Desiderius Erasmus Rotterodamus, natus anno MCDLXVIo et mortuus anno MDXXXVIo, erat celeberrimus scriptor, theologus, et philologus humanisticus, cuius doctrina et litterae summae auctoritatis saeculo sextodecimo habebantur. Stirpe Batavica ortus, potius erat κοσμοπολίτης quam unius patriae civis. Nam, vita monastica relicta, per totam Europam vagabatur (ita ut ab inimicis appellaretur “mus errans”), ubi apud academias et amicos diversos commorans se omnino dedit studiis ac litteris. Non vixit sine controversiis: a nonnullis moribus ecclesiae Catholicae dissentiebat, sed item reformationem Protestantem iam crescentem non approbabat, quare utramque factionem offendebat. Nihilominus libri eius ab omnibus ubique late legebantur. Scripta edidit permulta non modum magnitudinis immanis, sed etiam variis generibus, in quibus sunt epistulae, colloquia, commentarii, tractatus theologici, volumina ex Graeco versa, editiones novae antiquorum operum, scripta satirica, adagia, et alia, quorum omnia sunt ingenio egregio distincta.

Erasmi ingenium callidum patet in hoc colloquio ex Colloquiis Familiariis excerpto, quem librum conscripsit ut discipuli res varias Latinitate bona exprimere possent atque etiam mundum ratione Christiana perspicere discerent. Haec colloquia iucunda stilo affabili et saepe illusorio ita sunt composita ut ad discipulos novos docendos adhuc sint idonea. At haec Ἀπροσδιόνυσα lectorem primo confundere possunt cum Leucius, infelix nauta, rogatus ab Annio quodam de nuptiis recentibus, respondeat se miserabiliter nuper navigasse. Quo longius loquuntur, eo evidentius sermo videtur constare ex duabus fabulis dissimillimis inter se intextis et, sicut in indice, absurdis quia neuter homo alterum intellegere potest. Nam apud comoediam inde ab initio personae saepe solent eadem verba modis paulo differentibus intellegere, sed hoc in colloquio Erasmus, verbis omni significatione inter personas deprivatis, hanc consuetudinem veterem renovat. Proinde fruere, o lector, hoc colloquio tam ridiculo quam absurdo.

Desiderius Erasmus of Rotterdam (1466-1536) was a famous humanist writer, theologian, and literary scholar whose scholarship and writings were considered of the highest importance in the sixteenth century. Though Dutch by birth, he was a citizen of the world rather than of one country, for, having left the monastic life, he travelled all throughout Europe (such that he was called “wandering mouse” by his enemies), where, staying at universities and the residences of various friends, he gave himself completely to literature and his studies. He did not live without controversy: he disagreed with a number of Catholic customs, yet likewise he did not approve of the then-growing Protestant Reformation, therefore offending both sides. Nonetheless, his books were extensively read by everyone, everywhere. He published several writings not only of immense size, but also of varied genre, including letters, dialogues, commentaries, theological treatises, volumes translated from Greek, new editions of classical works, satires, adages, and more, all of which are distinguished by his singular wit.

Erasmus’s sharp wit is quite evident in this dialogue taken from his Colloquies; he wrote this book so that students would be able to discuss various subjects in a good Latin style and also learn to perceive the world with a Christian mentality. These lively dialogues are composed in a conversational and often satirical style such that they are still suitable for teaching modern students. Yet this Aprosdionysa may at first confuse the reader when Leucius, an unfortunate sailor, asked by a certain Annius about a recent wedding, responds that he has just gone on a miserable voyage. The longer they speak, the more evident it seems that their conversation consists of two storylines woven together that are quite dissimilar and (as in the title) senseless because neither man can understand the other. Indeed, it has been a staple of comedy from its very beginning that two characters often understand the same words in slightly different ways, but in this dialogue, Erasmus puts a new twist on this longstanding trope by depriving words of any meaning between the speakers. Therefore, reader, enjoy this dialogue that is as comical as it is absurd.

ἈΠΡΟΣΔΙΟΝΥΣΑ SIVE ABSURDA / APROSDIONYSA SIVE ABSURDA

Annius et Leucius

ANNIUS. Audio te interfuisse nuptiis Pancratii et Albinae.

LEUCIUS. Nunquam antehac infelicius navigavi, quam hoc tempore.

ANNIUS. Quid ais? tantam fuisse hominum frequentiam?

LEUCIUS. Nec unquam mihi vilior fuit vita quam id temporis.

ANNIUS. Vide quid faciant opes. Ad meas nuptias pauci convenirent, idque tenues.

LEUCIUS. Vix fueramus ingressi pelagus, ortus est ingens turbo.

ANNIUS. Narras deorum coetum. Totne aderant viri principes, tot matronae nobiles?

LEUCIUS. Boreas dissecuit velum, dissectumque dissipavit.

ANNIUS. Desponsam novi. Nihil fingi potest venustius.

LEUCIUS. Mox fluctus revulsit clavum.

ANNIUS. Idem videtur omnibus. Nec sponsus admodum illi cedit, ut aiunt, formae gratia.

LEUCIUS. Quid animi censes nobis illic fuisse?

ANNIUS. Sane rarum nunc est virgines nubere.

LEUCIUS. Remigandum nobis erat.

ANNIUS. Dotem vix credibilem narras.

LEUCIUS. Ecce mox aliud malum.

ANNIUS. Quur puellam impuberem commiserunt tam feroci?

LEUCIUS. Apparuit piratarum navis.

ANNIUS. Profecto sic est; in multis nequitia supplet aetatem.

LEUCIUS. Ibi nobis geminum fuit bellum, alterum cum mari, alterum cum praedonibus.

ANNIUS. Hui tantum donariorum? Interim pauperibus nemo dat festucam.

LEUCIUS. Quid? Cederemus? Imo desperatio vitae addebat animos.

ANNIUS. Vereor ne sint steriles nuptiae, si vera praedicas.

LEUCIUS. Imo iniecimus harpagones.

ANNIUS. O rem novam, ante nuptias gravida?

LEUCIUS. Si spectasses eum conflictum, fatereris me non esse foeminam.

ANNIUS. Ut audio, coniugium hoc non solum ratum est, sed etiam consummatum.

LEUCIUS. Insiluimus in navim piraticam.

ANNIUS. At demiror te vocatum alienum, me praeterito, qui tertio propinquitatis gradu sponsae partem contingo.

LEUCIUS. Ipsos in mare praecipites dedimus.

ANNIUS. Vera praedicas, infelicium nulli sunt affines.

LEUCIUS. Quicquid erat praedae inter nos partiti sumus.

ANNIUS. Expostulabo cum puella primo quoque tempore.

LEUCIUS. Mox exorta est subita tranquillitas, dixisses esse alcedonia.

ANNIUS. Si illi res est, mihi est animus. Nihil moror illius benevolentiam.

LEUCIUS. Ita pro una duas naves in portum deduximus.

ANNIUS. Indignetur qui alit.

LEUCIUS. Quo eam, rogas? In templum veli partem dicaturus divo Nicolao.

ANNIUS. Hodie non est liberum mihi. Nam ipse domi convivas expecto, alias non excusabo.

Non-Sequiturs: or, Absurdities

Annius and Leucius

ANNIUS. I hear you attended the wedding of Pancratius and Albina.

LEUCIUS. I've never before sailed more unluckily than this time.

ANNIUS. What are you saying? That there was such a great crowd of people?

LEUCIUS. Life never seemed cheaper than during that occasion.

ANNIUS. Look at what riches accomplish. Few would come to my wedding, and paupers at that.

LEUCIUS. We had hardly entered the sea, and an enormous storm sprang up.

ANNIUS. You’re describing an assembly of the gods. Were there so many distinguished gentlemen and noble ladies present?

LEUCIUS. The Northern Wind tore apart our sail, and when the sail was in pieces the wind dispersed it.

ANNIUS. I know the bride. Nothing more charming can be imagined.

LEUCIUS. Soon, a wave ripped out the rudder.

ANNIUS. Everyone agrees. The bridegroom doesn’t yield very much to the bride in respect to good looks, as they say.

LEUCIUS. What do you think our state of mind was in such a situation?

ANNIUS. It's truly rare nowadays for women to get married as virgins.

LEUCIUS. We had to resort to rowing.

ANNIUS. The dowry you report of is hardly believable.

LEUCIUS. Listen – soon, something else bad happened.

ANNIUS. Why did they entrust a girl still in her youth to such a gangster?

LEUCIUS. A pirate ship appeared.

ANNIUS. It's certainly so; many people make up in wickedness for what they lack in years.

LEUCIUS. There, we had a twofold war - one with the sea, another with the pirates.

ANNIUS. Oh, there were so many wedding gifts? Meanwhile, no one gives one bit to the poor. 

LEUCIUS. What? We should have yielded? On the contrary, despair for our lives increased our courage.

ANNIUS. I fear this marriage may not produce children, if you're telling the truth.

LEUCIUS. Rather, we cast grappling hooks.

ANNIUS. What news! She was pregnant before the wedding?

LEUCIUS. If you had seen that fight, you would realize that I’m no woman.

ANNIUS. As I hear it, this union has not only been ratified, but also consummated.

LEUCIUS. We leapt upon the pirate ship.

ANNIUS. You know, I'm amazed that you were invited despite not being related while I, who am a second cousin on the side of the bride, was excluded.

LEUCIUS. We threw them into the sea headfirst.

ANNIUS. You're telling the truth – underprivileged people don’t have any relations.

LEUCIUS. We divided between us whatever booty there was.

ANNIUS. I'll complain to the girl - at the first opportunity, as well.

LEUCIUS. Soon, there was suddenly a calm sea; you would have said the weather was prosperous.

ANNIUS. If she has money, I have courage; I don’t care how well-disposed she is.

LEUCIUS. Thus, instead of one ship, we drew two into port.

ANNIUS. Let the one who supports her be offended.

LEUCIUS. Where am I going, you ask? To the church, intending to dedicate part of the sail to Saint Nicholas.

ANNIUS. I'm not at liberty today: for I myself am expecting guests at home – otherwise, I wouldn’t make any excuses.

1. Qua de re putat Annius Leucium narrare? Estne res eadem de qua Leucius vere narrat?
2. Quibus calamitatibus est iter Leucii infelix factum?
3. Quomodo, secundum Annium, nuptiae divitum ab nuptiis pauperum differunt? Idemne nexus inter opes – aut inopiam – et nuptias nunc quoque exstat?
4. Cur Annius sponsam reprehendere vult? Quid de feminarum statu et de moribus eius saeculi responsus Annii patefaciunt?
5. Cur Annius, ad nuptias non invitus, offenditur?
6. Quem ad finem censes Leucium partem veli Nicolao esse dicaturum? (Qualibus hominibus est Nicolas patronus?
7. Qualem sermonem, ut opinaris, Annium cum convivis habebit?
8. Quid de hoc colloquio, secundum indicem, est aprosdionysum vel absurdum? Estne hic index colloquio aptus?
9. Quae fortasse est causa cur alter vir alterum non potest intellegere?
10. Colloquium novum para, verba alterius viri retinens et pro verbis alterius responsus saniores scribens.

1. What subject does Annius think Leucius is talking about? Is it the same subject Leucius is really talking about?
2. What are the misfortunes that made Leucius’s journey miserable?
3. According to Annius, how do the weddings of the rich differ from the weddings of the poor? Does the same connection between wealth – or poverty – and weddings still exist?
4. Why does Annius want to rebuke the bride? What do his responses reveal about the status of women and the customs of that time?
5. Why is Annius offended after not being invited to the wedding?
6. For what purpose do you think Leucius is going to dedicate part of the sail to St. Nicholas? (Of what sorts of people is St. Nicholas the patron saint?)
7. What kind of conversation do you imagine Annius will have with his dinner guests?
8. What about this dialogue, in accordance with its title, is irrelevant or senseless? Is the title fitting to the dialogue?
9. What perhaps is the reason why the two men cannot understand one another?
10. Create a new dialogue by keeping one speaker’s words and writing more logical responses in place of the other’s.